I guess I am writing this out of frustration. Frustration with myself and how quickly
I forget. I don’t understand how
or why I let that happen. I can
remember the most random pointless details of things that are of no use to me,
but when God speaks life changing words over me I am so quick to forget and
fall back into a place complacency.
Just last weekend at SCW- Spiritual Challenge Weekend (Fellowship’s fall
retreat) the Lord took me to such a deep and intimate place with Him during my
quiet times. Going into one
specific quiet time I could not get comfortable, I was hot, my back ached,
there were so many bugs, too many people around- you name it I probably would
have complained about it at the time.
Normally I really enjoy spending time with Jesus outside but I was so
discontent with everything so I decided to go find a comfy chair in the dining
room where it was air conditioned.
During that time I turned on my IHOP (international House of Prayer)
playlist on my ipod and started crocheting. As I was crocheting I kept feeling like I needed to read but
I really didn’t want to and that’s when the Lord said “I like that you like to
crochet.” So with that being said, that’s exactly what I did, I sat with my
back to everyone so it was just me and Jesus, staring out a window, crocheting
and listening to IHOP’s Prayer Room.
As I was doing this I was praying that my grumpiness wouldn’t get in the
way of hanging out with Jesus and asked for him to change my heart and asked
for revelation of His heart. That’s
when it began. Right then a song
came on and there was a man reading Revelation 4-5. He spoke with so much passion and power as he read about
heaven and the elders falling down before the throne of the Lord singing
“Blessing and Honor and Glory and Power be to the Lamb that sits on the
throne.” Listening to his passion
as he described heaven in the words of Revelation 4 &5 stirred my heart to
long to see that, a longing to be with Jesus. The Lord then gave me a vision of me walking down the aisle
in a wedding dress and Jesus was at the alter waiting for me. Sometimes at a wedding you will see the
groom cry a little, maybe a tear or two.
But Jesus was bawling, He was sobbing, the kind of crying where His eyes
were puffy and face red. He had so
much emotion and excitement that He couldn’t contain Himself as He saw me
walking down the aisle toward Him.
It was the most beautiful and intense vision I have ever had. It was
real. As I was sitting in awe
reflecting on what I just saw the next song that came on my ipod was the Bethel
song, My Dear. When I hear/sing
this song it is always me singing it to the Lord. This time was very very
different though, I heard the Lord singing it over me. He said:
“I am yours and you are mine,
I am ravished by your sight.
Of one glimpse into your eyes.
The lover’s coming for his bride…
I need to say what my heart is screaming,
That I love you my dear
You’re everything I ever wanted, everything I ever needed
You’ve ravished my heart, I love you my dear.”
Those were anything but empty words. To hear the Lord sing those words over
me was like nothing I had ever experienced before. The Lord said, “YOU are EVERYTHING I ever wanted. YOU are EVERYTHING I ever needed. YOU ravish MY heart.” DANG…….. even thinking back to that moment I am overwhelmed by those
words and depth they have especially coming from the Lord. That is how my Creator and my Beloved
feels about ME! In that moment I was so desperate for Jesus and desperately
longing to be in His embrace forever.
As I said it was such a beautiful and intimate time, but
then I am so quick to forget and continue on with my life, twiddling my thumbs falling back into this unfulfilling place of complacency this week. And I’m sick of it. I want to live in that intimacy that I
have experienced. I want to be
consumed with Jesus, but I am so quick to consume my mind with other things
surrounding me, work, relationships, materialism, gahhhh Im so sick of it. So I am calling myself out on it right
now and publicly declaring that I want Jesus to consume ALL of me, thoughts, words, actions,
heart, my entire being and will no longer be distracted by things that the
enemy tries to lure me away with.- I refuse. I also want to repent for how quickly I do forget the
promises that the Lord has spoken over my life and believe the lies that are
thrown at me. Lord I want to be
completely and whole heartedly dedicated to You. Burn Your words on my heart, that I may never forget what you speak over me daily.
Side note: I started writing this out of frustration, but as I told my story I lost that sense of frustration and was captivated again by the words the Lord so sweetly spoke into my heart. My Beloved is beautiful and amazing, He knows exactly how to captivate my heart!
