Searching For Something More

Well let me say, this summer so far has been kind of lonely.  With all of the students and many of my good friends leaving town for the summer, it has been a rough adjustment for me.   Don’t get me wrong, I have some really amazing friends still here and feel blessed beyond belief to have them in my life, but I so often desire more.  Tonight, when I came home to an empty house (as it usually is because my roommates, including myself, are always busy) loneliness again sank in.  Why though?  I do not understand.  I hung out with friends last night and had a great time.  Tonight a friend made dinner for me.  When I left his house I met up with a group of 8+ people to go see a movie, I then saw 2 other friends at the theatre.  After the movie was over we all kind of went our own ways and I decided to stop at the grocery store to grab a couple things, while there I ran into 4 other good friends that I do not see often enough and they were quick to ask me to come just hangout and talk with them for a little bit.  Looking back at the whole night I was with some of the most amazing people.  People that pursued my friendship or asked me to come and just hangout with them.  I know I am loved, but why at the end of the day when I get home do I just feel lonely?  I feel like I am constantly searching for something more.

Honestly, I think a huge part of it is that I am quick to fill my time with people, not that this is a bad thing, I love people.  But I tend to prefer to hangout with people as opposed to spend time with God.  Am I stupid?  I know that God is the ONLY ONE that can truly satisfy my soul and longings of my heart, but why do (in a way) avoid spending time with him?  If I am going to be completely honest though sometime spending time with God just doesn’t sound appealing so I go hangout with friends, but at the end of the day I am back where I started. 

I need to trust the Lord with my heart and know that He has created places in my heart that only He can reach.  I need to stop chasing after people and things to fill these areas that only my Creator can touch. 

Lord, I ask You to overcome me.  Break these cycles that I so often fall into.  Turn my eyes from everything in this world so that I can focus only on You!  Jesus I pray against my weak attempts to find fulfillment in other worldly things or in people, but I ask that you would constantly remind me that only You truly know my heart and know what I need.  Only You can fulfill my heart’s desire.  Lord, overcome me!